Mann vs Equestria
by szalhi
Summary: A full scale war is bound on Equestria. Luna is sure they won't win this time. Celestia has a plan. She's hired nine mercenary creatures called humans to fight for them. They have a good reputation. But maybe, they're a bit crazy. (imported from fimfiction)


Chapter 1: nine strange men

"tia, you know of this upcoming invasion right?" Luna asked trembling.  
"It's more than just an Invasion. It's a full scale war. It's not only the Changeling's but possibly the Griffons and others."  
"Well, I was thinking, we could assign our whole guard to defend, but I'm not sure if it's going to work. We only have a guard, no military."  
Celestia Chuckled, at which Luna was confused and didn't know what could possibly be hilarious.  
"What do you find hilarious about a full scale war on us? Thousands could die! For all we know, we could die too!"  
"Oh, it's just the fact that… I've got everything sorted out and it's pretty hilarious when you think about it," Celestia answered grinning. "I've got a group of mercenaries coming here. They're creatures called humans but their technology is advanced. They could possibly teach other's to fight as well."  
"A group of mercenaries? Are you sure about this? I mean, they're different and it's not like they're whole kind is allying with us."  
"They're mercenaries," Celestia exclaimed. "They're here for money. They could surely be trusted. They want money, the only way they'll get it is through trust and production."  
"I guess they could work, but I want to see them before anything happens."  
"They're seeing us as soon as they get here."

The two alicorns were sitting in the throne room as a guard rushed in.  
"Your highnesses, they're here to see you," the guard said bowing down.  
"Send them in," Celestia said blandly.  
The sound of footsteps were heard as the door to the throne room was smashed down and nine red men rushed inside. They continued before stopping before the throne. One of them who bore a large helmet bowed.  
"We have arrived as soon as we could your highnesses."  
"You made a big impression on our door," Celestia said with slight anger.  
"Well, that was kind of my idea," Scout replied. "But considering there's a big war, wouldn't the castle get damaged anyway?"  
"The castle may, or may not get damaged, but the destruction of the door was quite unnecessary. Tell me, which one of you is in charge?"  
A man that bore a suit and a mask, a man that looked like a doctor and a man that looked like a builder of some sort approached her.  
"No one's really in charge, but us three are normally the voices that go around, I'm Spy," Spy said bowing in front of her. He motioned to the others to do the same. "We normally call each other by our professions."  
"I'm medic," Medic said as he rose back up and looked at the door. "You can take that out of our pay."  
Celestia smiled. "Okay, no need to act formal for now, I just want to talk with all you. Now, I've been told you're really good at your jobs?"  
"Oh yeah, our old _boss_ thought we did a great job. It's just too bad they were kind of annoying," Scout said. "You can call me scout. Fast and speedy, they won't see what hit 'em. I'm like the force a nature. So, you got any plans lady?"  
"Okay, so we've learnt three name's so far, what about the rest of you?" Luna asked ignoring scout.  
Heavy stepped forward carrying his minigun.  
"I am heavy weapons guy," He said as he set down his minigun. "and this, is my weapon. She weighs hundred and fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute It cost $400,000 to fire this gun, for 12 seconds."  
"Way to go matey," Demoman said pushing past Heavy. "I am the demolition man. If you need any explosions, you call me. And nobody else. Just me. You hear that? Just me."  
"I'm an assassin. A Sniper to be exact, a professional," Sniper said. "I'm a hitman, you want something dead, I can kill it. It's all a professionals' job. I like to hunt out in the outback. But unlike what my parents say, I'm not a crazed gun man."  
Luna stared at the weapon that Sniper carried.

"So, that can do a lot of powerful things? You have to show us later," Luna said curious as the buff man with the large helmet pushed to the front."  
"I am a soldier," he said saluting. He knew it wasn't really appropriate to salute to royalty, but it was just to emphasise himself. "Frontline assault. I'm the all around."  
"That, is the Pyro," Spy said pulling in Pyro. "He's a bit hard to understand, but he's quite the annihilater."  
The pyro chuckled at the large pony in front of him. A large pony. Pyro wondered if anyone else could see her. His view was slightly cut off as a small man walked in front of him.  
"Pleased to meet you. I'm an Engineer. I construct stuff. Fancy machines and all them. It's kind of like an obsession."  
"Well, it's nice knowing you," Celestia said. "But you won't be staying here. You'll be meeting my student, another princess of royalty in the town of Ponyville. But before that I want you to briefly visit the Guards. They'll give you some orders"  
The men bowed and exited the room. Luna turned to Celestia.  
"They seem quite vicious, but willing to take the war on their hands."  
"They're quite gruesome, but I think that will do plenty. They seem quite nice at the same time."

The nine men approached the wall where a pony stopped them.  
"Halt, state your business," The pony ordered.  
"We've been hired by Princess Celestia to assist in the upcoming war," Soldier said saluting to the guard before producing a scroll. "We have confirmation."  
The unicorn picked up the scroll using his magic and read it over. He stopped reading and looked at them.  
"Well, I'll be damned. I didn't think Princess Celestia was talking about you. My name's Shining armour."  
"Are you in charge here?" Soldier asked.  
"I am in charge here. I'm in charge of the solar guard."  
Soldier smiled and snapped another salute at him.  
"Sir! Requesting orders!"  
"I'm surprised only he's doing that and not anyone else," Shining Armour asked slightly amused.  
"We're mercenaries, you don't technically own us. It's just his thing," Scout explained as leaned back against a wall. "Just like how Pyro likes fire and burning."  
"Yeah, we don't technically own you. As for orders, Princess Celestia wanted to take one of your weapons for study. We'll give it back as soon as possible."  
Engineer pulled out a shotgun and handed it to Shining armour.  
"We've got a lot of these things. Easy to manufacture. I use them most of the time," Engineer explained.  
"We'll take a look at this. In the meantime, all of you should be heading to Ponyville. Just go to the train station and state your business."

Items unlocked: None.

chapter 2 colourful wonderland

The team arrived at Ponyville where they hopped off the train.  
"Oh that took freaking ages, what's with the lack of vehicles around here?" Scout complained as he stepped onto the station platform. "It's like they have some technology, but they also don't."  
"Once I set up a teleporter here, than we won't have to worry about that," Engineer replied in an attempt to make scout feel better. Engineer had previousy built a teleporter in Canterlot and was planning to use it as a fast travel system.  
"Scout, do you ever think you can go slow? Or does everything go into slow motion?" Spy said as he pulled out a cigarette. "You probably hear me in slow motion right now."  
"Go to hell spy," Scout replied flipping the bird. "I am perfectly capable of going slow."  
"We have no time for random non-sense. They told us to go find a crystalline castle," Medic said looking over the contract. "Which sounds pretty stupid."  
"Does it happen to look like a tree? Because I'd never think I'd be this drunk," Demoman replied looking where no one else was. Right over there, was a crystalline structure. Yes, it sounded stupid, but the whole concept seemed stupid as well.  
"That looks god damn expensive," Engineer commented as he compared it to how much it would cost back home.  
They started to walk towards the castle. Pyro seemed to be engulfed with the world around him, that he didn't care about the logic of a crystalline castle. Spy walked up and he knocked on the front door. He would've thought it would be more guarded, back at their previous location, it was heavily guarded.  
"Do you think they're home?" Heavy asked quietly.  
"Twilight, when you said that we're getting mercenaries to help Equestria, were you just playing around with us?" A voice said from behind them. They all turned around and looked as six ponies came walking down. They kept walking a bit before noticing the presence. The Elements of Harmony, or as they would know the, six regular ponies.  
"Who the buck are they?" Rainbow Dash said as she stopped and pointed at them. Twilight resumed walking and stopped slightly in front of them.  
"Rainbow Dash is right, who are you?" Twilight asked.  
"We happen to be the Mercenaries you were just talking about. And we seek the attention of the owners of this castle," Soldier blurted out.  
"All of you must be the nine Celestia told me about. I've never seen creatures like you up close."  
"You must be stupid, we've seen tons of you up close and that's not even here!" Demoman shouted out.  
Soldier grabbed demoman and chucked him back. "This is not an alternate dimension. You will shut up, and take it!"  
The Demoman stumbled back. At that time, the door to the castle opened and a purple dragon walked out.  
"Twilight, you out here? I think I heard you out he…" Spike said. He paused near the end as soon as he saw the mercenaries standing before him. "Who are these guys?"  
"These, are the humans that are going to be helping us in the war," Twilight explained.  
"You don't believe in the whole war stuff do you?" Spike asked with annoyance.  
"It's not fake, it's a real event that's upcoming. We just don't know when! Would Celestia ever lie to us?"  
"I just don't see why we need, _those things_ ," Spike said pointing to the group.  
"They had the highest reputation out of all mercenaries we've seen. They also said something about getting away from their old jobs."  
"Oh, you mean staying around the administrator and her bullshit?" Scout blurted out. "I mean, she's the only real way to get to, y'know. But that's over now."  
"Who?"  
"You don't need to know," Spy concluded.  
"Question!" Soldier announced.  
"Yes?" Twilight answered.  
"Are we going to stand out her all day talking about Scout's relationship status, or are we going to do real stuff?"  
"You know, I kind of changed my mind, I wouldn't mind talking all about scout hmm," Spy exaggerated.  
"Oh, no, no, no!" Scout exclaimed. "We are not talking about that ever again!"  
"Well, if we're not going to be talking about Scout and his ugh, past relationships, I want to introduce you all to my friends," Twilight requested. "But first, you know how you were supposed to get a fortress here right?"  
"You didn't forget did you?" Soldier asked concerned.  
"Oh, no. I didn't forget, in fact, we can go now."

They all arrived at the fortress. It wasn't complete, but it was pretty well in progress. Engineer was stunned at its state considering the time between them going and arriving here. But he decided not to question it.  
"This, is the most handsome fortress I've ever seen!" Soldier complimented.  
"It make baby look like mouse," Heavy said.  
"Well it isn't finished yet, there's a lot of sections to be put in, but that shouldn't really take long at all. All the important stuff should be done by now," Twilight explained.  
"Twilight."  
"Yes Spike?"  
"Can I get a fortress?"  
"No."  
"Damn."  
"I'm going to be handing over all control to you guys. I request you come to the caste tomorrow," Twilight said handing keys to all of them.  
"Twilight, can I stay here and look over the fortress?"  
"That's not my problem," Twilight said walking off. "It's your fault if you die."  
"This could give me a nice view over the land," Sniper said.  
"You're too late to compliment it from the outside," Scout mocked.  
"Oh, Piss."

All ten of them had entered the fortress. It looked amazing, but at the same time, it still felt nostalgic, with the design resembling the previous fortresses. The size left lots of space, and in any chance of full invasion, this could be last standoff. It also meant Engineer had a large space to build and Sniper had a long range.  
"So ugh, where do we start?" Scout said slowly walking around the courtyard. "I mean, It's kind of awkward having ponies hear building."  
There were several ponies around constructing unfinished parts of the fortress. Scout wasn't exactly used to having ponies around and having them this close and probably for the next week or so was weird to him. Even weirder than going to Ponyville.  
"Yeeeaaah, I'm not sure if I want to spoils myself just yet, Medic announced.  
"So, ugh, you like fire right?" Spike asked Pyro.  
Pyro responded with a couple of muffles and grunts, which Spike could actually understand.  
"Cool man."  
"Oh fuck this," Demoman said running into the explosive chambers. All the rest started to go to their respective destinations as well.

Chapter 2.5: Reflections

The engineer had called everyone into the courtyard. He had just finished building the teleporter and wanted to alert them it's ready and test its efficiency.  
"Hey fellas. So I just finished building the teleporter and it should now be linked up to the other teleporter in Canterlot; provided no one tampered with it. I'm going to take it for a run to test its efficiency," He said as he stepped over to the teleporter. "See you on the other side."  
They all watched him disappear and they saw the teleporter quickly recharge. Slightly faster than normal at 1.5 seconds instead of 3.  
"Holy crap, I mean, it's not that much faster, but it's still faster," Scout said slightly amazed.

Engineer popped out of the other side of the teleporter. He was met with the canterlot armoury.  
"Well I'll be damned, it works at this range."  
"Engineer! You're here!" Shining Armour said getting up.  
"Yeh, I just finished building the other link. Normally it doesn't take this long, but I had to fine tune it and I upgrade it."  
"That explains the glowing and the whirling I saw and heard. I was a bit confused. To say that your technology is different."  
A small flash suddenly appeared as soldier popped out of the teleporter.  
"Soldier? I thought I told you all to not use it until I came back!" Engineer complained.  
"You never said that! Besides, we all knew it was going to work, otherwise we probably would've lost you. But we didn't," Soldier replied.  
"That reminds me," Shining Armour said grabbing a shotgun. "We tried to take a good look at this, but couldn't really get through to it."  
"Well. You just need to know how it works. You got any paper?" Engineer asked.  
Shining armour levitated a piece of paper over to Engineer. Engineer drew a couple diagrams demonstrating the function of a firearm.  
"Basically, it's like using a cannon. But smaller and more accurate," Engineer summarised as he finished explaining.  
"I'll show these to the others. But in the meantime, you said you had plenty of these?" Shining Armour asked.  
"Yeh, they're pretty good and cheap."  
"They're not just good, they're the mother of all firearms ever!" Soldier emphasised.  
"They aren't really."  
"OF course they are!"  
Engineer ignored Soldier as he walked over to the teleporter. "I'll be seeing you later than. Gotta prep the base and such. And you should prep Canterlot."  
"SIR!" Soldier saluted and he stepped onto the telporter after Engineer.

"So, what took you so long?" Scout complained.  
"They didn't know how our shotguns work."  
"SO technologically inferior we are," Scout said walking off to his own thing. The others did the same.  
Engineer sighed and pulled out a toolbox. He opened it and a lawn chair popped out. He lied down pondering over the thoughts of the future. But he had no idea someone was still there.  
"You feel something?" Spy said walking up to Engineer.  
"No, not really," Engineer lied back.  
"Oh you can tell me the truth."  
"IF you insist. Well I've been thinking. This place, is different. There's supernatural forces here, something we don't really have."  
"And there's a problem with that?"  
"I'm not sure if we're put up to the task. I mean we're fighting things we don't really know about. I mean, we might get briefing, but that doesn't really change anything."  
"But we're different in general. We're different from the normal mercenaries out there. We work as a team. We have wide diversity. We worked for the same company for ages. What makes you think we can't handle the forces here?"  
"Y'know, this might be the most interesting thing to happen. We're strange men. And we've come to a strange place. We could really fit in. I mean, we're different species, hell even a different order. But this place has lots of diversity. We're kind of magical ourselves. We're kind of crazy, but this place seems to really accept that."  
Spy smiled at Engineer. This could truly be the right place for them. They could work here for the rest of their lives. So far, it seems like the best job they've ever gotten. Granted, they haven't really done much, but it seems they might also die here. They may never even leave. And they're doing it for a quite real purpose.  
"It's only been like a couple of days, but I'm glad that's what you feel like. I too like it here. I can just see all the ladies out there waiting for me. Doesn't matter that I'm different. But it's great for the rest of us out here."  
"Scout has a lot of space to move around. A lot of new creatures to impress. Soldier gets to fight in a real war. Pyro is in the wonderland for real now and even during the war it will feel the same to him. Demoman, gets to experience the landscapes and the old traditions that bare resemblance to him. Heavy gets to experience his other side, ponies to cuddle. He's kind of like a different Pyro. Sniper gets to get it on with nature. And Medic can try the new medicines and procedures… I mean… Not everyone gets a full spot here, but it still works."  
"It's kind of like, we're going to be truly living now."  
"Truly living. I like that. Maybe this is our destiny. Perhaps they won't just see us as mercenaries, but as friends."  
"Friends in deed. That would be wonderful," Medic said coming up behind them. Engineer didn't complain. The three of them were quite closer than they were to the others. "All the ponies I could help.  
"It's kind of sad that this place is going to have a war. I'm sure it's had war in the past," Engineer expressed.  
"There's a war everywhere. And they're all inevitable," Spy pointed out. "I just realised that there's no more stupid control points or intelligence."  
"How 'bout we make this the best final mission ever?" Engineer asked.

chapter 3: Meet the six

"So, you know how I told you about the mercenaries that are going to be staying nearby?"  
"You told us a million times. It's not like we're going to turn around and change our minds right now."  
"Oh right sorry, I was just thinking that they're so different. They have so much diversity. It would be nice to get to know them."  
The six of them were on their way to the fortress since Twilight had the best idea of getting them to meet each other early on so it wouldn't be awkward. Not to mention that Pinkie Pie would've really insisted on coming anyway. They went around to the back door and knocked on it. The door opened revealing Engineer.  
"Twilight. You're finally here. And you brought the rest. Although that was kind of the point."  
He led them inside and into the courtyard. "Now, I thought standing together and introducing ourselves would be boring. But, that's kind of inevitable because you might not talk to everyone here. So after you know each other's name's you can go off and do your thing."  
The fifteen of them all gathered in the courtyard. Spike wasn't present, being present before, he didn't want to overfill the fortress. Well it was a big fortress, but you get the point.  
"It's nice to be here, I'm Twilight Sparkle. But you can simply call me Twilight," Twilight introduced herself.  
"I'm Rainbow Dash. The coolest and fastest pony in Equestria. I guarantee I'm twenty percent cooler than all of you too."  
Scouts gaze layed over Rainbow Dash. _Guaranteed? I'd like to face that._  
Fluttershy took a couple of deep breaths before quickly blurting out. "I'm FlutterShy."  
"AppleJack. Nice to meet y'all."  
"Rarity. Or would you like to call me Miss Rarity? Take your pick."  
The last pony was obviously Pinkie Pie who quickly ran off and ran back.  
"I'm Pinkie Pie! Here have a complimentary cupcake!" She said handing them all a cupcake.  
"Well then, I guess you probably already know my name, but if you don't I'm engineer. Gosh it's been so long since we've called each other by our real names, I've kind of forgot."  
"Spy, The Spy."  
Rarity's gaze shifted towards Spy where it seemed to stay locked. Perhaps he was nothing like blueblood?  
"Scout's my name and I'm the fastest human in Equestria. I guarantee I'm Twenty-one percent cooler than all of you," Scout announced mocking Rainbow, who didn't seem very happy.  
"I am the Soldier. The duty calls for a man to fight. And he will fight."  
"I'm Demoman. And now, you may be thinking, _What makes me a good demoman?_ If I were a bad demoman, I wouldn't be sitting here would I?"  
"I am Heavy Weapons guy. I crush cowards to pieces and anyone who dares to touch Sasha."  
"Who the hell is Sasha?"  
"Sniper. And I'm here to tell you that Sniping Is a good job. It's fun and relaxing."  
Fluttershy seemed to get freaked out over him. But maybe there was another side to it.  
"I'm am Medic. You ever get hurt, and I can fix you up faster than any other doctor could. Guaranteed."  
The eight of them all stared at Pyro, having no idea how to reply. He made a couple of muffling noises that were hard to make out.  
"Oh, hi Pyro!" Pinkie Pie shouted back. There was something about Pyro that made Pinkie reply to him and not really to the others. How she understood him, no one knows. Maybe it's the same connection as Spike, but who really cares?  
"Wait, so you can understand him?" Scout asked confused. Nope looks like Scout cares.  
"I don't think any of us really understood him properly," Medic stated. And there's another one.  
"Is it really hard? He's clearly saying his name and that he likes unicorns and rainbows!"  
Pyro started muffling some words. Pinkie nodded in response and pulled out a flamethrower.  
"And he said that this, is a Rainbow Machine!"  
"Pinkie No!" Twilight called out but it was too late. Pinkie had begun spraying fire everywhere and occasionally prancing around. The others were swift enough to run and hide to get away from her.  
"Pinkie! Stop!  
"Really? Don't you like Rainbows and bubbles?"  
"Just stop!"  
"Oh…" Pinkie said disappointed as she stopped using the flamethrower.  
"That, was a flamethrower. And you almost burnt everyone!" Engineer pointed out.  
"If it was a flamethrower it would've thrown out flames right? But it clearly created Rainbows and bubbles everywhere!"  
"Just, no more."  
Pinkie Placed the flamethrower on the ground nearby.  
"Well, I'll say that it was nice to meet all of you. And it was nice meeting a new kind of creature like all of you." AppleJack stated.  
Rarity and Spy managed to stop staring at each other just in time as the _Formal_ introduction was concluded.


End file.
